Friday, January 16, 2009

Brown Paper Bags

As I gingerly make my trek back out of the hospital with my brown paper bag that is to discretely transport home my antibacterial wash and my Fleet enema! Yes that’s right!
Yesterday was my appointment with the surgeon and boy was he just so happy!! He’s the kind of person that should be working at Disney World! The eternal happy place! Can I just say that he was totally thrilled beyond belief that when he took as gander at my x-rays of my poor old knees! The sight of my totally trashed arthritic knees was the best thing that ever happened to him! That would have to include marriage and children!! I have the first of two surgeries scheduled for next Friday, January 23rd. Today I had to go to the hospital and have my blood work done and I met with the anesthetist regarding the type I would want to use during surgery. Seems that the “new” thing is to NOT put you totally asleep but just do an epidural to block your feeling in your legs and that you are relatively still out of it thanks to the oxycontin (major pain killer). This will also take care of the nausea and vomiting that usually comes with the general anesthesia. And I can look forward to spending 2-3 days in the hospital and then transition to a rehab center to spend another couple of days then I get to finally go home.
Today, I have walked the maximum distance through the maze of hospital corridors carrying my brown paper bag. I hope everybody I see thinks I just purchased something at the gift shop! I have never used an enema before…and from what the nurse says I don’t really need to bother much about it! Unless I am constipated or eat a really heavy meal the night before surgery! I save sent out my emails to friends giving them notification that I will be out of the loop after next Thursday so to not worry about that they don’t hear from me for a week or so.
Now I will take my brown paper bag into the bathroom and place it in a place of honor – the bottom shelf of by the sink – I just don’t know about this enema thing!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

New challenges for a new semester

I have always been told that: “God will never give you more that you can actually endure.” Really?? Says my questioning mind. Life has turned out to be a series of lessons of just how much strength I really have when I least think I do.
I see my life has been nothing but a series of living on easy street to questioning the All Mighty if he really thinks you can endure this! It is just when you think things are going great…look out! That’s about it. I have been through relatively easy periods dramatically cut off by those unplanned and unscheduled events that are truly life changing events.
As I have become well aware of the recovery form these life altering events I have become somewhat of a “pro” at the stages of regaining the life that I once had; well some of it at least. I guess the idea that I am now facing a new semester in school and the idea of trying to maintain my academic status and deal with the hardships of my inability to walk for long distances and possible surgeries during the semester. I am not looking forward to the next few months. Trying to be a college coed at 52 is hard enough but add on to that the need of completely new knees is almost more than one can endure: But I am going to! Somehow I think that my hindered ability to walk may just be a benefit to my studies—what else can I do but sit? I might as well read and do my homework. I think that I may become even more scholarly in the amount of research that I can do regarding the texts I’ll be reading.
My plan for today is to research the texts the professors had placed on our book lists. I think that way I can go into each new book with a little ground work and preparation before I crack the spine of the new books. I have always loved to be the first person to open a book. I am in love with the smell of new books and the noises the binding makes when you open up your newest treasure. So here’s to new adventures not just between to covers of literature but as to attending college as a physically challenged person. I hope I can really do this!

Monday, January 5, 2009

With the New Year under way I still sit here and the depression is tough today. I have feel so isolated and cut off from my even minimal routines. Granted I never was much a go here and do this type of person – but now I have an imposed isolation rather than one of choice. It is hard to sit home day after day my BIG days are when I go grocery shopping or to the library! And those are turning out to be just about more than I can do! I come home so exhausted and in a lot of pain that it is getting to the point that is just about not worth the effort.
I usually play on the computer and watch videos for company, but I have been having issues with my laptop and the PC is still in the repair shop! I have almost given up hope that I will ever hear from them ever again! I have called three times and left messages to call me back and I have never had a return phone call. So here I sit with just a limping laptop for the only entertainment use.
I spend many hours every day in contemplation of the importance of knees. We take them for granted. When you are suddenly left with some sort of malfunctioning and painful spaces between my thighs and ankles that become your total focus everyday. Can I do laundry today? Can I make it up and down the stairs lugging laundry baskets? But when faced with nothing clean to where then it becomes an issue. No longer is the question of if I have it in me to make the trips up and down the stairs but what else can I do down there that will let me be somewhat productive while down in the depths of the dark and smelly basement. I have a sewing machine and a couple of projects down there that I am currently working on so I can be somewhat productive while I wait for the laundry to be finished.
I am glad that I have cultivated skills in sewing, quilting, and knitting. I have projects everywhere. I have a knitting project by my laptop. I knit while I trying to figure out why my laptop will not let me watch videos on YouTube and why do I need to keep resetting my modem. Computer woes plague me right now and I have learned to depend upon it for entertainment during the day. Now it works as good as my knees! See!! That’s what I mean if things are not working I relate it to my knees! It has become a vicious cycle and everything brings me back to my painful knees.
oday be grateful that you can kneel in prayer, or kneel to be closer to a child, or even pick up the stuff you have dropped behind the toilet! Right now those items are officially dead to me! If they can’t roll out to where I can get them – then I never want to see them again! If I try to retrieve them I get visions of a skeleton bent over the toilet – it was me trying to pick up my mascara that rolled back there and I went to pick it up and I couldn’t get back up!