Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I found the second section a struggle to read as the narrators change off between Rochester and Antoinette with no sign of the change. And this is where the character of Antoinette, the beauty changes to Bertha, the mentally ill wife that Rochester is now burdened with. Rhys handles the two characters embodied by the same woman as physically different as Henry Jekyll and Edward Hyde are in their personas. No longer is she Antoinette the beautiful and sensuous wife that Rochester delights in her physical body, instead he sees Bertha as a smaller, thinner and constructed of many different mannerisms that serve to irritate him. With this novel being a prequel to Jane Eyre I found it hard to like anything about Bertha Antoinette Cosway. Since I have read many times the Brontë novel and see it as a classic. Rhys seems to never try to get the reader to like Bertha. I can only assume that Jane is the true heroine of the novel and her goodness is always overshadowing the whole Bertha Antoinette character. Bertha is a predestined and doomed characterin which there is no use in trying to make her anything else.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The top ten reasons you should be suspect that the rehab center you have just checked into is not that good.
9. When you get your meals all of your vegetables are the same shade of grey.
8. They refuse to empty your overflowing garbage can early. They only empty the garbage after four days and not before.
7. If you are in bed when the aides come around to change bed linens you have missed your chance! They don’t come back.
6. You and your roommate share one toilet with the male patients in the next room. Get used to no flushing and strange odors!
5. Get used to be being locked out of the one bathroom by the non-thinking male patients in the next room!
4. Pill time equals quiz time. You find it necessary to question the nurse as to what they are giving you and where are your other regular medications?
3. You are in charge of telling your nurse that they are to be decreasing the use of your oxygen intake and to lower the pressure.
2. They have “Personal Hygiene Police.” They tell you when they want you to shower! And it has to be at their scheduled times and days. They cannot cope with a daily shower-er! They only want you to shower every other day!
1. You are given the wrong medications! I was given high blood pressure pills but because of my medications quizzes I discovered this error. When my blood pressure is 110/68 and shows no need for it to be any lower!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
I woke up very early this morning with the sounds of the many birds that all seem to be so thrilled to death that it is morning! It is funny to hear them be so vocal so early then as the sun comes up and it gets lighter they quiet back down: All that is except the woodpeckers. They never seem to loose steam when pecking away for food! It is kind of like when you need chocolate and desperately search the cupboards and fridge for some long forgotten candy bar or anything for that matter. That is how I found the last bag of microwave popcorn last week!
This morning after I shower and wash my hair I am off to the grocery store to stock up on more snacks and food then I plan a little trip off to the library to exchange my videos for some new ones. I think by that time I should be ready to go horizontal again and spend the afternoon in video land. I have the Bridget Jones Diaries movies in this batch and I am looking forward to these again. I first watched these for a class as it is interesting how the excerpts from her diary shows up in the movie as marquees and messages on her computer. It is like the words she wrote are haunting her reality. Through the first movie you suspect that her diary writing and reality are not in the same hemisphere. But that makes these particular movies funny as the viewer does see that poor Bridget does get a grip and a man (Colin Firth) in the end!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Although I am dedicated to getting my annual flu shot I still lay there and wonder if there was a component of the swine flu in that shot. With the news full of the rapidly spreading epidemic I lay there and just hope that I have been vaccinated enough to not be getting the swine flu. I have been bothered by my susceptibility to get most anything that seems to be going around that I have been vaccinated against whooping cough, pneumonia, as well as hepatitis A/B. Pretty much if there is a vaccine out there I have been vaccinated with it! I am not taking any chances! And still here I am home sick!
Well I have had two cups of tea, some toast, and of course the hand full of my regular medications, and read my favorite blogs and updated my own blog and now I am ready to return to the pod position in the middle of my bed with the trusty TV remote in my hand. So now I am padding off to the world of my videos and sleep.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Not much to say today, I have not been feeling well and with the news filled with Swine Flu updates I am just hoping that I have just a cold and not the swine flu. I sometime wonder if my annual flu shot included the swine variation or not. Still feeling blue about my situation and with a possible surgery on the horizon. Now with the added illness it makes things even harder to cope with. But I press on and head back to my bed for more resting.
Rain is forcasted for this May 1st but it doesn't seem to be on its way: It is bright and sunny out side and a nice spring breeze is rippling the window curtains. The fresh air is very nice and a pleasure to breath in the cool freahness of outside.
I am thinking of gathering up some of my tulips that are in bloom to bring in to my bedside to cheer me up a bit. Tulips are doing wonderfully this year.
Monday, April 27, 2009
“By understanding your dreams, you will gain a better perspective on your life. We realize that your dreams are unique. No other individual can have your background, your emotions, or your experiences. Every dream is connected with your own “reality.” Thus, in interpreting your dreams it is important to draw from your personal life and experiences. Remember that a dream unifies the body, mind, and spirit. It provides you with insight into our selves and a means for self exploration.”
Okay that sounds pretty reasonable and not some flakey existential BS. Then I found what the most significant part of my dream. That being that people I considered as friends were stealing things that I needed to use everyday and multiple times in a day. When I couldn’t find what I needed it was very distressing and that launched me into a search for the lost items.
Stealing: to dream that you are stealing, denotes that you are deprived and where the stealing takes place (at home, the office, at school…) is indicative of your neediness. Alternatively, it may signify unrealized and unfulfilled goals. You may have set your goals too high.
Lose: To dream that you lose something may mean that you really have misplaced something that you had not realized yet. It may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. You have become overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.
On a symbolic note, losing things in your dream may signify lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. Your personal associations to the thing you lose will clue you into the emotional meaning and interpretation of your dream.
Now that I have a different perspective on the troublesome dream: What I have learned form this search has left me still unsettled with the feelings that I experienced. How do you have a normal day when you are awakened by some significantly worrisome thoughts? The unsettling ideas that creep into your mind and distort ones thinking as to make yourself the martyr of the life you lead. Great, another day that I have to work and changing my thinking patterns. It seems to be a problem that has resurfaced since the knee replacement surgery. This old problem for some reason resurfaced just days after surgery and left me in tears all day long in my hospital room. With no one to comfort me … no one to visit me as I laid there alone crying to myself with the feeling of total helplessness is overwhelming and hard to bear.
I guess this is all on my mind as I am scheduling the second knee replacement surgery for June. I guess I am worried that I will again be overwhelmed by those feelings and that maybe behind the strange dream of last night. That again I will be left alone in the hospital and this never bothered me in any of the other surgeries but this time it all seems very different. I know this time what I am going to be experiencing and I am even more fearful of this next surgery that I was of the last one. As I still am being pushed aside and told I must move by my Bishop. The message is clear that I am no longer wanted as a member of this ward and community. Instead of the warm feelings of support and welcome I feel the cold hard shove on my back to move away. That I no longer serve as a useful member of this ward and now are a burden to the members and I have worn out my welcome in this ward. It is not an easy pill to swallow that has been forced upon me. When I need to have friends and comfort around I have been shown the door and it has been slammed in my face! Visions of any one of the many Dickens novels comes to my mind! I guess that is part of living a Literary Life. You start seeing your situations in novels of others. They may give me an understanding of how to proceed with the rest of my life from here. But this is quite a different century and I am not a character in anyone’s novel: who would write such a story as mine? Not even Dickens would tackle such a woeful tale!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read : 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
I needed to just laugh and this made me laugh!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Going into have this surgery was not as simple as the many other surgeries that I have had. I was not so certain that this would be the answer to my being able to feel that I can be more mobile again. Surgery was not easy going into the OR and the surgeon did not even acknowledge that the reason for all of them to be gathered there had entered the room. It was all hurry up and get this done and move on to the next one. It is very hard laying there with a drape up so you can’t see what is going on and yet you know that they have pulled your ever so lovely hospital gown up to your waist and your girl parts are exposed for everyone in the room to see. One has the feeling that you are being violated and you’re just laying there and letting them do it. In fact you signed up for actually let them do this to you! Is even worse! I had opted for the new type of anesthetic called a femoral nerve block. They insert an IV into this nerve in your groin area and it continually blocks any feeling or sensations to your whole leg. And then they place an epidermal in your spine so you now have no feeling in either of your legs. You are still conscious that your hospital gown is still pulled up to your waist and everyone is seeing your girl parts!
As I lay there and know that they are having troubles with getting the 4 screws that have been in this knee for over 12 years. I can hear the drill trying to back those screws back out of my shin bone and I can feel them pounding with a hammer just to expose the heads of those screws. Other times I can feel them shoving and hammering metal on metal as they try to attach the replacement into the correct position. And yet I am not worried about all of this! I have this disinterested point of view even though I know it is my leg and my bones they are hammering, chiseling and sawing: You just don’t really care that much. The reality comes when you finally see the sixteen and a half inch long scar that this procedure has left on your leg!
Now it is seven weeks since the surgery and I putter around the house pretty good and I still walk with a limp but that will eventually go and the scar is healed and has begun to fade but it is still a very long scar and it is not pretty to look at! Not that anyone ever actually sees my knees!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Yesterday was my appointment with the surgeon and boy was he just so happy!! He’s the kind of person that should be working at Disney World! The eternal happy place! Can I just say that he was totally thrilled beyond belief that when he took as gander at my x-rays of my poor old knees! The sight of my totally trashed arthritic knees was the best thing that ever happened to him! That would have to include marriage and children!! I have the first of two surgeries scheduled for next Friday, January 23rd. Today I had to go to the hospital and have my blood work done and I met with the anesthetist regarding the type I would want to use during surgery. Seems that the “new” thing is to NOT put you totally asleep but just do an epidural to block your feeling in your legs and that you are relatively still out of it thanks to the oxycontin (major pain killer). This will also take care of the nausea and vomiting that usually comes with the general anesthesia. And I can look forward to spending 2-3 days in the hospital and then transition to a rehab center to spend another couple of days then I get to finally go home.
Today, I have walked the maximum distance through the maze of hospital corridors carrying my brown paper bag. I hope everybody I see thinks I just purchased something at the gift shop! I have never used an enema before…and from what the nurse says I don’t really need to bother much about it! Unless I am constipated or eat a really heavy meal the night before surgery! I save sent out my emails to friends giving them notification that I will be out of the loop after next Thursday so to not worry about that they don’t hear from me for a week or so.
Now I will take my brown paper bag into the bathroom and place it in a place of honor – the bottom shelf of by the sink – I just don’t know about this enema thing!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I see my life has been nothing but a series of living on easy street to questioning the All Mighty if he really thinks you can endure this! It is just when you think things are going great…look out! That’s about it. I have been through relatively easy periods dramatically cut off by those unplanned and unscheduled events that are truly life changing events.
As I have become well aware of the recovery form these life altering events I have become somewhat of a “pro” at the stages of regaining the life that I once had; well some of it at least. I guess the idea that I am now facing a new semester in school and the idea of trying to maintain my academic status and deal with the hardships of my inability to walk for long distances and possible surgeries during the semester. I am not looking forward to the next few months. Trying to be a college coed at 52 is hard enough but add on to that the need of completely new knees is almost more than one can endure: But I am going to! Somehow I think that my hindered ability to walk may just be a benefit to my studies—what else can I do but sit? I might as well read and do my homework. I think that I may become even more scholarly in the amount of research that I can do regarding the texts I’ll be reading.
My plan for today is to research the texts the professors had placed on our book lists. I think that way I can go into each new book with a little ground work and preparation before I crack the spine of the new books. I have always loved to be the first person to open a book. I am in love with the smell of new books and the noises the binding makes when you open up your newest treasure. So here’s to new adventures not just between to covers of literature but as to attending college as a physically challenged person. I hope I can really do this!
Monday, January 5, 2009
I usually play on the computer and watch videos for company, but I have been having issues with my laptop and the PC is still in the repair shop! I have almost given up hope that I will ever hear from them ever again! I have called three times and left messages to call me back and I have never had a return phone call. So here I sit with just a limping laptop for the only entertainment use.
I spend many hours every day in contemplation of the importance of knees. We take them for granted. When you are suddenly left with some sort of malfunctioning and painful spaces between my thighs and ankles that become your total focus everyday. Can I do laundry today? Can I make it up and down the stairs lugging laundry baskets? But when faced with nothing clean to where then it becomes an issue. No longer is the question of if I have it in me to make the trips up and down the stairs but what else can I do down there that will let me be somewhat productive while down in the depths of the dark and smelly basement. I have a sewing machine and a couple of projects down there that I am currently working on so I can be somewhat productive while I wait for the laundry to be finished.
I am glad that I have cultivated skills in sewing, quilting, and knitting. I have projects everywhere. I have a knitting project by my laptop. I knit while I trying to figure out why my laptop will not let me watch videos on YouTube and why do I need to keep resetting my modem. Computer woes plague me right now and I have learned to depend upon it for entertainment during the day. Now it works as good as my knees! See!! That’s what I mean if things are not working I relate it to my knees! It has become a vicious cycle and everything brings me back to my painful knees.
oday be grateful that you can kneel in prayer, or kneel to be closer to a child, or even pick up the stuff you have dropped behind the toilet! Right now those items are officially dead to me! If they can’t roll out to where I can get them – then I never want to see them again! If I try to retrieve them I get visions of a skeleton bent over the toilet – it was me trying to pick up my mascara that rolled back there and I went to pick it up and I couldn’t get back up!