I woke this morning after having a terrible dream. That led me to Google to see what the deeper meaning of the troublesome dream was all about. I found a site that had a dream dictionary that looked promising to discovering the meaning. Quoting from the website I found.

“By understanding your dreams, you will gain a better perspective on your life. We realize that your dreams are unique. No other individual can have your background, your emotions, or your experiences. Every dream is connected with your own “reality.” Thus, in interpreting your dreams it is important to draw from your personal life and experiences. Remember that a dream unifies the body, mind, and spirit. It provides you with insight into our selves and a means for self exploration.”

Okay that sounds pretty reasonable and not some flakey existential BS. Then I found what the most significant part of my dream. That being that people I considered as friends were stealing things that I needed to use everyday and multiple times in a day. When I couldn’t find what I needed it was very distressing and that launched me into a search for the lost items.

Stealing: to dream that you are stealing, denotes that you are deprived and where the stealing takes place (at home, the office, at school…) is indicative of your neediness. Alternatively, it may signify unrealized and unfulfilled goals. You may have set your goals too high.

Lose: To dream that you lose something may mean that you really have misplaced something that you had not realized yet. It may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. You have become overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.

On a symbolic note, losing things in your dream may signify lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. Your personal associations to the thing you lose will clue you into the emotional meaning and interpretation of your dream.

Now that I have a different perspective on the troublesome dream: What I have learned form this search has left me still unsettled with the feelings that I experienced. How do you have a normal day when you are awakened by some significantly worrisome thoughts? The unsettling ideas that creep into your mind and distort ones thinking as to make yourself the martyr of the life you lead. Great, another day that I have to work and changing my thinking patterns. It seems to be a problem that has resurfaced since the knee replacement surgery. This old problem for some reason resurfaced just days after surgery and left me in tears all day long in my hospital room. With no one to comfort me … no one to visit me as I laid there alone crying to myself with the feeling of total helplessness is overwhelming and hard to bear.

I guess this is all on my mind as I am scheduling the second knee replacement surgery for June. I guess I am worried that I will again be overwhelmed by those feelings and that maybe behind the strange dream of last night. That again I will be left alone in the hospital and this never bothered me in any of the other surgeries but this time it all seems very different. I know this time what I am going to be experiencing and I am even more fearful of this next surgery that I was of the last one. As I still am being pushed aside and told I must move by my Bishop. The message is clear that I am no longer wanted as a member of this ward and community. Instead of the warm feelings of support and welcome I feel the cold hard shove on my back to move away. That I no longer serve as a useful member of this ward and now are a burden to the members and I have worn out my welcome in this ward. It is not an easy pill to swallow that has been forced upon me. When I need to have friends and comfort around I have been shown the door and it has been slammed in my face! Visions of any one of the many Dickens novels comes to my mind! I guess that is part of living a Literary Life. You start seeing your situations in novels of others. They may give me an understanding of how to proceed with the rest of my life from here. But this is quite a different century and I am not a character in anyone’s novel: who would write such a story as mine? Not even Dickens would tackle such a woeful tale!